Suicide
by DrusillaSeer
Summary: “Goodbye my querida…” He pulled me and captured me in a kiss. We pulled apart and he went to the window seat where Spike was sitting. He took Spike into his arms. He looked at me with those sad eyes. Lucky cat. Then just that, he dematerialized in my room


Disclaimer: I own nothing! Please don't sue!

A/N: Hey everybody! It's me the author! Anyways, this fic has character death in it so if you don't like character deaths don't read this story! I was bored so I typed this up…please don't kill me! I don't find this very tear-jerking but it's dark…oh yeah and I didn't write that poem! I found it on a website with depressing poems and thought that the poem was the perfect one! Hope you read it!

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_**Suicide**_

Suicide. That word alone comforts me. It's as if that was the only answer I would take. I clung to the knife while drops of blood emerged from my wrist. There, I had done it again, nice job Simon…tomorrow CeeCee will be all like "Oh my gosh what happened to your arm." And the usual "Oh, it's Jesse's cat, it scratched me." Not that there's going to be a tomorrow for me to begin with.

**Flashback**

I just came back from today, happy as ever, I finally aced that science test! Go Suze! Go Suze! You kick ass! Anyway, I opened the door and as usual Jesse was sitting in the window seat reading Critical Theory Since Plato…again. He looked up from the book, that gaze alone scared me.

"Susannah…" He said, something was wrong with that tone, _something_ very wrong with that tone.

"Jesse…what happened?" I asked him. He couldn't look at me, imagine that! I knew it! It was bad news!

"Is it…me?" I asked trying so hard not to cry. Obviously the fact that he was going to reject me…again. Not that I have ever been rejected before but I brushed that thought out of my mind.

"Susannah, I have to tell you something…" He began to say. Well that was something, at least it wasn't to the point where my heart gets crushed. I knew this was going to be bad, and I just hope I wouldn't be right.

"Querida, I-I have to leave…" He managed to utter those words. I can't believe what I'm hearing…is he really going to leave me?

"To where?" I asked obviously sounding hurt. All he did was look at me with those dark eyes of his and smile.

"I cannot tell you, querida…" He said. What does he mean he can't tell me?

"Why? Did Father Dom tell you not to tell me?" I asked with tears brimming down my cheeks. Now I cry, this was pointless, I didn't want to cry, I never wanted to cry. He placed his on my cheek.

"I'm sorry it has to be like this…but it's for the best…" He said. Of all the things that he could say. He had to tell me this one. I knew it wouldn't work, but instead I hadn't pay any attention to Father Dom.

"Goodbye my querida…" He pulled me and captured me in a kiss. We pulled apart and he went to the window seat where Spike was sitting. He took Spike into his arms. He looked at me with those sad eyes. Lucky cat. Then just that, he dematerialized in my room. Leaving me forever. He left his boring book, Critical Theory Since Plato. I never even got to tell him how much I loved him.

There was only one thing to do and that was to go and visit Father Dom. I grabbed my jacked wrote a quick note to David just in case he comes home and finds me missing. I didn't even notice the tears on the note that I wrote. Then I ran as fast as I could to the Mission.

I got there and burst into Father Dom's office.

"Well hello there Suze! Suze? What's wrong?" He asked me. I grabbed his collar which he didn't take very kindly to.

"Why did you take him away from me?" I yelled at him, I wanted to show this man how much pain I was suffering right now.

"Suze! Jesse doesn't belong here! He needs to move on!" He told me. But he's not getting way that easily.

"Can you get him back?" I asked with my raspy voice. Father Dom just stared at me. Then he managed to say.

"There's nothing I can do, he's not coming back…" He told me. Then I knew it was the end of it all.

**End Flashback**

"_There's nothing I can do, he's not coming back…" _He was right. He isn't coming back. So I did what I had to do. I cut myself, tree drops of blood spilled to a handkerchief with MDS embroidered in it. This was Jesse's handkerchief. I took I and hugged the small piece of cloth.

Then an idea sprung through my mind. I went into Andy's room and pulled the drawer opened. Inside I found Andy's gun, I went back to my room and wrote a little note to my parents and friends saying all the things I needed to say in a poem like this.

_I do not feel the winter,  
For I cannot feel the cold.  
I do not fear the ages,  
For I am in spirit old.  
I do not fear the sword,  
For I've no blood to be shed.  
I do not fear the silence,  
For I've no words to be said.  
I do not fear the wounds,  
For I have been rejected.  
I do not fear disease,  
For I have been infected.  
I do not fear temptation,  
For my eyes have long been kept.  
I do not fear compassion,  
For I have no true heart left.  
I do not fear the Reaper,  
For my life has now been stolen.  
I no longer feel the cold,  
For I am already frozen._

Then I pulled the trigger and everything went black. I was still clutching Jesse's handkerchief. This night was the day I died. Susannah Simon just committed suicide. They'll never forget that _I just died today._


End file.
